


Do You LIke Them Big and Dumb?

by PattRose



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Public Nudity, Romance, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/PattRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Guys have to go undercover in a Nudist colony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do You Like Them Big and TGall

Do You Like Them Big and Dumb?  
Patt

 

Jim, Blair, Simon and Rafe went undercover at a nudist beach. Someone had been stealing from these very rich people.

At first they are a little uncomfortable, because after all, they all work together and there are kids here too. Blair is heard talking Jim out of the cabin, "Jim if we all looked like you, we'd be flying out to that beach. Not all of us look as good naked as you do."

Jim growled, "Sandburg, I don't want to walk around naked, that's why god gave us clothing.

Blair laughed when he said, "Hell Jim, god didn't have anything to do with the clothing part. Remember, Adam and Eve only had fig leafs."

"Oh shut up," Jim said, and came out of the bathroom.

"Holy Shit," Blair said when he got his first look at Jim completely naked.

Jim turned and looked at Blair and realized he had never seen Blair naked and he looked damn good. And fuck if he didn't have the biggest goddamned cock he had ever seen. _Ellison, he thought, since when have you noticed cocks and what size they are?_ Shit this was going to be one really long assignment.

As they went out the door, Simon and Rafe were talking to some people and Rafe turned to Jim and Blair and said, "Holy Shit, Sandburg, with what you are lacking in height you make up for in other regions."

Simon said, "Excuse me, Det. Rafe, but we are here to work not look at Sandburg's dick."

Sandburg said, "Thanks Simon. Now I suggest we get to work.

For the next six hours they didn't see each other again. They all tried to stay away from each other saying it was because of the job. But hell, they all knew it was because who wants to see their best friends naked. Plus, after seeing Blair's cock, shit, no one wanted to stand next to him.

This little girl walked up to her mother, who was standing next to Simon and said, "Mommy, why does that lady have bigger boobs than you?"

She said, "Susie the bigger the boobs, the dumber they are."

Susie seemed okay with this explanation as she went off down the beach. A moment later she came back and said, "Mommy, why is that man's penis bigger than Daddy's?

The mother decided to try the same story again, saying, "Well, the larger it is, the dumber they are."

Simon went off to tell Rafe what he had just heard this mother telling her daughter and they both just laughed their asses off. They were making their way back down to the beach when Simon said, "Rafe, there is the little girl with the questions."

They walked up towards them and just kind of hung out. (Well, they had no clothing on after all.) After a few moments the little girl said, "Mommy, come and look at this really dumb man on the beach."

The mother said, "Susie, that isn't nice to say. Why do you want to stare at someone and call them dumb?"

Susie said, "Mommy, you told me that when the penis was bigger they are dumber. Well, this man's penis is really big, so he must be really dumb."

Rafe and Simon couldn't help it; they had to look. There on the beach was Jim talking to a blond woman while bending over a partition. And behind him was Sandburg, staring at Jim's ass. And needless to say, they only thought his cock was big before. Now it was huge.

They couldn't help it, they were roaring all the way back to their cabin. They couldn't wait to find out how Blair got himself out of that one.

Just as they got there, Blair came walking up and said, "Okay, Simon, I am officially off this case. Please don't ask me to explain, I just need to get out of here."

Simon said, "Sandburg, I'll let you take off if you can explain to me what's going on and why you need to leave."

Blair said, "Okay, I can't help it, I am walking around with a hard on all the time, every time I see these women I get hard. I have to get out of here. It's really embarrassing."

Simon said, "Okay, Sandburg good enough. Take off, I'll tell Jim what happened to you."

As Blair went into his cabin to pack, Simon looked at Rafe and said, "The woman was right, the bigger the cock, the dumber they are."

They laughed all the way into their cabin. Again, Blair didn't catch the clue bus. And Jim wasn't even at the stop.

TBC


	2. How ABout Just Big

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Teen and up. Talk of sex, but none done so far.

How About Just Big?  
Sequel to Do You Like Them Big and Dumb?  
Patt

 

Simon had just let Sandburg go home, Blair saying he could not control himself from getting hard while looking at all of the naked women on the beach. Simon and Rafe had to bite the insides of their cheeks to keep from laughing. They both knew damn well whom he was getting hard over.  
Now they'd have to stay on the job and have to listen to Ellison whine about it. _Shit, Simon thought, what the fuck was I thinking?_

As soon as Blair was dressed, in his car and driving off, Rafe took one look at Simon and cracked up. They both had tears rolling down their face when Jim came walking into the room an hour later.

Jim took in the sight of the two men laughing their asses off and wondered what the hell was going on. Instead, he just asked, "Simon, where is Sandburg? I thought we were supposed to all be working.  
Instead, I come back and see you two lounging on the beds with clothing on, I might add. And Sandburg is nowhere to be found."

Simon stood up and said, "Jim, we were just on our way out to find you.  
The hotel caught the guy about ten minutes ago. We just felt like we should get dressed first. And as for your partner, he had to leave unexpectedly. Not to worry, he is fine."

Rafe looked over, and pointedly down at Jim, and said, "Jim, I don't want to throw cold water on this stakeout, but did you put the strong sunscreen on your penis?"

Jim looked at him like he was insane and answered, "No, did anyone else? I mean, I forgot all about it."

Rafe said, "Well, take a look and you'll see why."

Jim glanced down and saw what Rafe was referring to. His cock was all red. _Sunburn there? Holy Shit._ This wasn't going to be fun. And Jim knew he wasn’t going to ever live this down. 

Jim said, "Do you have any suggestions, Simon?"

Simon started laughing and said, "None other than, you should have used the damn sunscreen. Why do you suppose we were talked into using it?  
Not because they wanted to sell more sunscreen at the CPD."

Jim got all pissed off and stomped into the bathroom with his clothes, slamming the door. When he looked in the mirror, he got a better look at how red he was. Fuck, fuck, fuck. As if it wasn't bad enough having it on his cock, his ass was burned too.

As he dressed, he could feel the pain starting in. He knew he was in for a very long week. He walked out of the bathroom and said, "So, are you guys ready to drive me home or do you want to laugh at me some more?"

Rafe said, "I vote for the laughing part, myself." And looked over at  
Simon and they both cracked up all over again.

Jim just glared at them, picked up the phone and tried to call for a cab.

Simon grabbed the phone from him and said, "Sorry, Jim. We can't help it. We don't get the chance to make fun of you too often. This is a once in a lifetime thing. We had to take it. You would do the very same thing if it were one of us. Now come on, we'll get our things and drop you home."

When they were in the car, Jim said, "So Simon, what the hell happened to Sandburg anyhow?"

And the laughter started all over again. They could hardly catch their breath. Jim was getting more pissed off each and every moment.

Finally Simon said, "Well, Jim, Sandburg asked us not to tell you, but he was having a hard time."

And the laughter started all over again. Jim just stared at them like they had both totally lost it.

Simon in between laughing said, "He kept getting a hard on, while staring at a certain person and was totally embarrassed."

Jim growled out, "Oh figures, I'm out there toasting my Ellison, and he's back here with a hard on, whining. And was it a blond or a brunette?"

This set Rafe and Simon into laughing again. Jim was losing it. I mean, it wasn't funny, what the fuck was funny about what he just said.

Rafe said, "Light brown hair, I think."

Jim said, "Now, was that so hard?"

And the laughter started again. Jim was getting sick of this. He finally said, "Both of you shut up or let me out and I'll walk home. I don't need this shit."

*

When they got back into town, Simon pulled up in front of a pharmacy and ran in. Rafe sat quietly and didn't say a word. No laughing either.  
Jim was very thankful for that.

Simon came walking out with a package and handed it over to Jim when he got behind the wheel. Jim looked inside and saw he had picked up three bottles of aloe vera. Jim said, "Don't you think this is a little overkill on the aloe vera? I mean, my prick isn't that big."

And the laughter started again. Jim said, "Jesus, you two are worse than little kids. I swear, I don't know what I am even saying that is so fucking funny. Grow up."

Simon said, "Sorry, Jim. We just have been in the sun too long. I think it rotted our brain cells or something."

Rafe added, "But at least we didn't sun burn our cocks."

And the two of them were laughing again. Jim just gave up and rolled his eyes heavenward and prayed for help from any deity that was listening to a poor, tired, hungry, sunburned Sentinel. And he found himself thinking that if Blair laughed at him, he would totally lose it.

They dropped him off and he walked upstairs and unlocked the door. He walked in and Blair smiled at him and said, "Man, you're home already?  
That was a quick stakeout. Did you all catch him or her?"

Jim glared at Sandburg and said, "How the fuck would you know if it was a quick one or not. You left one hour into it. What the hell is up with that, Sandburg? Are you trying to say you can't control your thoughts long enough to keep from getting hard when you see a beautiful woman. You are pathetic."

With that said, he walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. He started the shower with cool water, undressed and got in under the soft flow of water. So far, so good.

The next thing Jim knew he was leaning his head against the tile in the shower and the shower curtain was being pulled back. Blair stood there gawking at Jim and his sunburned areas. Blair finally got his voice as he said, "Please tell me you didn't forget to put that sun block on yourself before you went out and tried to deep fry yourself."

Jim pushed him out of his space and pulled the shower curtain closed.

He said, "Why are you in here, Sandburg? Do you mind if I finish my shower alone, in peace and quiet?"

Blair didn't answer and walked out of the room and shut the door. He went in and sat down on the sofa and waited for Jim to finish his shower.

Jim came walking out of the shower and was red from his waist to his knees. 

Blair found it odd that he wasn't burned on his chest and asked him, "Jim, why is your chest not burned at all. But you are completely burned from your waist to your knees?

Jim's face turned red and said, "A nice woman on the beach rubbed some sun block on my back and chest when I told her I forgot to have my friend rub it on."

Then Jim stared at Blair and said, "And back to the shower intrusion, why the hell did you come barging in there?"

Blair's face turned red and he said, "Well, I saw the bag with the aloe vera and thought I needed to see how badly you were burned. Because I know you, and if I asked you'd say it was fine, when it wasn't."

Just as Jim was heading up the stairs, he looked at the front door and said to Blair, "Sandburg, Simon is at the front door."

Blair went and opened it up and greeted his boss and Rafe, Brown, Taggert and Connor. He said, "What are you all doing here? Oh man, tonight is poker night, right?"

Simon smiled and said, "Yes, it’s your turn this week. You've gotten out of it three weeks in a row, and now there is no reason. Jim can't work with that burn. I know clothing will hurt it."

Taggert walked over to Blair and said, "Simon tells me that Jim was a little hard on you today at the beach, or did he say that you were hard on Jim?" And then they all just started cracking up.

Connor walked over to him and said, "No worries, Sandy, things will be fine. They are just having some fun. Wait till Jim comes down and then all the heat will be off you."

Jim came walking down the stairs in a pair of boxers and a tank top. He said, "Connor, you're going to have to put up with this or leave. The thought of putting clothes on makes me want to die."

Conner said, "No worries, mate."

They all went to the table to play poker and Rafe said, "So Sandburg, you up for some poker?"

And all of them burst out laughing. Blair turned beet red and let his head slam into the table. He didn't even try and stop it. And then he brought it up again and down once more. This time, Jim put his hand there to stop the pounding.

Blair just gave him a look that said let me die now. Jim said, "All right, enough is enough. Now Blair has been teased enough about having a fondness for the female form and not being able to control it. It's over and done with, let's let the subject drop."

And the laughter just got louder. Jim leaned over to Blair and said,  
"Sandburg, what is going on? I don't get it. Every time I open my mouth, they laugh at what I'm saying. Do you get it?"

And they all laughed ever harder. Joel was saying, "Do you get it?"  
And they all had to jump up for tissues.

Jim said, "Okay, enough. I'm sick of this shit. Knock it off or leave. This is our home. I can be a hard ass when I want to be. So, what is it?"

Brown said, "I vote for the hard ass one. I want to see his hard red ass."

Jim got up and said, "Okay, that's it. I've had enough."

Having said this, he stormed up the stairs to his room and lay on his bed. He wasn't even going to open his mouth again. He suddenly felt like Rodney Dangerfield. He got no respect at all.

They all started playing cards and Simon told the funny story about what the child had asked his Mom, and they all loved it. Finally, Blair realized what had happening. _Oh shit,_ Blair thought, _they know I was watching Jim's fine ass when I got hard. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

They all decided that they would leave and let Jim rest in peace since he wasn't in the mood to play cards. As they all walked out the door,  
Simon stopped and said, "Sandburg, make sure and rub that aloe all over him every hour. He is going to be hurting for a while."

Blair smiled and said, "Don't worry, Simon, I'll be sure to rub it in."

They all started laughing in the hallway again. Jim could hear them all the way outside. He still didn't get the fucking joke, but he could hear them laughing it up.

Jim could hardly stand the feel of cloth over his groin, so he took everything off and just lay there hoping that it would just feel better all by itself. Blair started up the stairs and Jim just lay there waiting for him to make one smart-ass comment. But he didn't.

Blair walked over with the bottle of aloe vera, sat on the edge of the bed and asked, "Do you mind if I rub this on you? You are really burned. I would hate for anything to happen to you."

Jim said, "Sure, if you want to rub it on my ass that is okay with me.  
But I'll get my front."

Jim rolled over onto his stomach and even though he was in pain, he didn't say a word. Blair started rubbing the aloe into the sore and red skin on his ass. He just kept rubbing and rubbing. Jim couldn't believe how gentle Blair's touch was. God, he was getting hard. _Fuck, could things get much worse,_ he thought to himself?

Blair said, "Okay, tough guy, turn over and we'll see the damage."

Jim said, "No, that's okay, I'll do it in private, all right?"

Blair just looked at the odd expression on Jim's face and said, "Jim, turn over, now."

Jim flipped over and had a nice hard on, but what was really noticeable was the fact that it wasn't all sunburned. Thank god, he hadn't been hard when he'd been out in the sun.

Blair smiled down at him and said, "Did I do this to you?"

Jim's face got even redder as he said, "Well, you were rubbing my butt."

So Blair added, "And anyone that rubs your butt makes you hard?"

Jim just stared at him with his mouth hanging open and said, "No, not everybody. Happy now?"

Blair took some of the aloe and started rubbing Jim's cock with it and  
Jim started moaning and said, "Blair, what the fuck are you doing?"

Blair answered, "I'm going to do my best to make you hard and then scream my name when you come."

"I don't think that will be a problem, Chief."

Blair said, "Jim, I was looking at you today when I kept getting hard, that's why I asked to leave. I just knew I was going to ruin our friendship. And Simon and Rafe must have been watching me while I watched you and that's what they were all laughing at. Now I know why they kept making the hard jokes and all that."

As he was telling this to Jim, Blair was taking his clothing off and Jim was impressed to say the least.

Jim said, "Don't worry, we'll get them back, Chief. They'll be sorry they ever messed with us. Now, how about we get back to the business at hand."

They both started laughing as Blair wrapped his hand around Jim's cock and started pumping. Then the laughing was done quickly as the need for breathing, panting and moaning took over.

Yes, Jim liked his man big, but not dumb.

TBC


	3. Revenge is Sweeter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Blair get back at the bullpen crew. :)

Revenge is Sweeter  
Do You Like them Big and Dumb 3?  
Patt

Jim come around slowly and tried not to move. He was imagining that this would be a fine day to die. His ass was on fire and his cock felt like it had dry ice on it. Not that he'd know what dry ice felt like on his cock. But, it was hurting like a son-of-a-bitch. He heard himself whine, "Chief, could you lend a hand. I keep my spare gun up here in the drawer. Bottom one, way in the back. It's already been loaded; you just need to aim and fire. Just be sure you kill me and they won't prolong it."

Blair amused, answered, "Jim, straighten up, things will feel better when I get this cool Aloe on you." Jim, did you notice that you said, bottom drawer, lend you a hand, loaded, fire, aim and prolong all in one paragraph? And I started off with saying, straighten up?"

Jim didn't see the humor in all of this. So when he glared at Blair, Blair decided he better get busy rubbing the aloe in.

He started rubbing it on Jim immediately and Jim hated Blair for always being right. But he was, never the less. He watched Blair as he continued to rub him down with the cool lotion and speculated if Blair had ever gotten drained from having to always contemplate everything. Jim always expected Blair to know everything and help him do it correctly. When he felt better he was going to thank him properly.

Blair looked over and realized that Jim was sleeping yet again. He knew that he'd have to come up with a brilliant plan to get every person back in Major Crimes. He could sit and think about it and take notes. Then when Jim woke up, they could discuss it like the two juvenile men that they were.

Jim came walking down the stairs a short time later in the day still stinging but his step was improved. Glimpsing over at the sofa he saw Blair deep in thought. Jim moved into the bathroom, taking care of his business and then joined Blair on the sofa.

Blair hadn't even become aware of Jim coming down from the loft. Jim, sitting down on the sofa, leaned into Blair and kissed his cheek, scaring the crap out of Blair. He stared angrily at Jim and asked, "Holy Shit, Jim, give a guy some warning why don't you?"

Jim began laughing vigorously and answered, "Blair, I came down the stairs and said, good morning, went into the bathroom, then plopped down on the sofa next to you. I presumed one of those things would have told you that I was out of bed. What are you doing that you are so into it, you didn't even become aware of me?"

Furiously Blair jumped up from the sofa and started pacing. He just glared at Jim again and said, "Jim, our friends are all assholes, and they're going to pay. I've come up with a couple of ideas. I got some of the ideas from two friends of mine online. They've been most useful for this. I think you'll be impressed and want to send them a note of thanks yourself."

"All right, Blair," Jim said, "I'm prepared to listen now. I'm sitting in case you tell me something that will make me dizzy or something." He was smiling but Blair was having none of his good humor.

"Oh keep laughing, funny man." Blair added, "Don't come whining to me later on when you wish that you had done something to get back at them. I mean for Christ sake Jim, they were making fun of you about toasting that most luscious and attractive cock of yours."

Jim pleased said, "Sandburg, thanks for the admiring comments. Now what did you have in mind? I'm up for it. I might not be up for a lot, but revenge is going to be sweet, isn't it?"

Both men started laughing their heads off as they went over some of the strategies that Blair had written down on paper for Jim to glance over.

Jim felt good enough that afternoon to shower and dress. He and Blair went to the stores for the supplies that they needed. They found themselves chuckling from time to time just thinking about the entire thing. Blair was responsible for picking up the glow in the dark lotion from the sex shop. Jim was in charge of picking up the No Sun Tanning lotion. _Oh man, this was going to be so good,_ Jim was thinking. On the drive home they discussed more about what they planned on doing and how. At this point the next thing they had to do was decide on when.

*

As soon as they got home, they sat down at the table and emptied out the bottles of Aloe and refilled each bottle with half Sex Glow in the Dark Lotion and the other half, Tan without the Sun Lotion. Oh yes, this was going to be most excellent.

Five days later, Jim and Blair walked into Major Crimes and had to put up with the laughing and jokes all day long. After giving everyone the go to hell look he was known for, Jim made his way to Simon's office and said, "Simon, could I talk to you about something really important?"

Simon shut his office door and said, "Okay, Jim, what's up?"

Jim began by saying, "Well, you know that aloe Vera that you bought for me at the store for the sunburn? Well, I don't know what it was, but it wasn't Aloe Vera. It was some type of Viagra type substance and it was more like a sexual concoction than Aloe lotion. And every time I used it, I became this sex instrument. Using Blair anytime and every time I could. So I'm bringing it to you. I need to get it away from me before I kill Sandburg with too much sex."

Simon just stared at Jim and said, "You aren't kidding are you? My god, he looks lifeless. Has he gotten any sleep at all? Oh for god's sake, Jim, this is entirely more than I wanted to know about you and Sandburg. But I'll be glad to keep it away from you. Do you suppose that you should be checked over by a doctor? And who do you think should let the store know that this came about?"

Jim said, "Simon, I already saw the doctor and he and I both called the store to let them know that it was bad lotion. They told me they're pulling it right away."

Simon looking relieved said, "Well, that's good that it's taken care of. So Jim, are you all right to return to work? And how's your lower region doing?" And Simon couldn't help it; he just started howling with laughter.

A very pissed off Sentinel went to the door and said, "I should have known better than to think that I could tell you anything. I figured maybe we could all be mature about this, but no. That would've been the adult thing to do. God, I can't stand this place sometimes." And with a very appalled look on his face, he threw the door open and charged out. Everyone in the bullpen took one look at a very angry Jim Ellison and at their laughing boss and knew that it was going to be a very long day. But this didn't stop them from laughing their asses off also.

Jim went to his desk and sat down. Sandburg joined him there after about ten minutes and asked, "So how did it go partner? Do you think he fell for it? And tell me if you hear anything. These are the times I'm fond of having a Sentinel around." They both started laughing knowing what was in store.

Jim said, "Sandburg, don't worry, you'll be the first one to know. As a matter of fact, he's calling Brown right now and telling him about the sex lotion. Now Brown's calling Rafe and telling him about it. Rafe is calling Connor and telling her and Connor is calling Joel. Sandburg, this is going to be momentous fun."

Jim had this happy look on his face as he threw his arm around Blair and said, "Now we just need to stand back and let them all fuck up their own lives and we'll sit back and have that last laugh. You know the saying, he who laughs last, well, I feel like it should be he who laughs, lasts?"

Sandburg suddenly remembered something and said, "Oh shit, Jim, don't let me forget the black light tomorrow. We won't be able to pick up the glow in the dark stuff without the black light." The two men walked out of the bullpen happier than they had been in days. After all they knew who was going to win this one.

*

Once they got to the loft, Jim started kissing Blair as soon as they were through the door. Blair asked him, "Are you up to anything more tonight? Because I have to tell you, Jim, I want to fuck you senseless. I mean that literally."

Jim pushed Blair towards the stairs and said, "Chief, I would love you to fuck me senseless. In fact, I think we both should experiment with it. This might be new to us, but all that studying up on the net did wild things for this old man's imagination."

Blair practically ran up the stairs and Jim was right behind him. They were throwing attire off right and left and it was flying all over the place. Once Jim bent down to pick something up and Blair said, "Jim, you pick that shirt up and I'll go sleep in the office. Am I understood?"

Jim threw down the shirt and smiled at Blair and said, "Okay, let the lessons begin, Teach. I want to learn all about this and I think now would be a really good time to start."

Blair had everything on the nightstand that they could possibly need. Lube, Condom's and wipes. He was nothing if not prepared. That just left getting his main man ready. He looked over at Jim and said, "Do you need a special invitation here? Get your ass over here. It's mine."

Instantly hard, Jim jumped into bed. The sound of Blair's voice was almost enough to do him in. Jim smiled back at him as he said, "You going to show me how much you love me, Chief?"

"Oh yeah, Jim," Blair said, "I'm going to make you feel so good, you won't ever want to leave this bed again." Having said this, he began kissing his way down Jim's neckline, chest, and abdomen heading for his cock. Jim was moaning already. This made Blair smile to himself. He loved what he could do to this big man. Jim was putty in his hands. Blair knew that Jim would do anything for him. And not just for sex. He knew that Jim in actuality did love him. It might have something to do with Jim screaming out each night, "Hot damn, Chief, but I do love you, as he came."

Blair asked Jim, "What do you want first Jim? Whatever you want, you can have."

Shyness seemed to have engaged Jim as he answered, "I'd like you to taste me."

Blair said, "Good enough. Consider it done." He moved down and took Jim's cock into his mouth. Starting to suck on it, Blair realized that Jim wouldn't last very long at this rate, so he slowed down. He then let Jim's cock fall out of his mouth, followed by a groan from Jim. Blair then started kissing the insides of Jim's thighs and Jim just kept opening up further and further. Blair was amazed at how much Jim trusted him. He looked down and saw something that was of great interest and fascination. He ran his tongue over Jim's hole and Jim nearly came out of the bed. But got himself under control very quickly. Blair saw that this was going to be one of those pleasurable things that they read about. Blair had in no way ever thought of doing something like this, but he was willing to try it all with Jim. Blair found out, it was just as big a turn on for him as for Jim. He loved the taste of his lover. He got a little busier down there and poked his tongue in and out and Jim started moaning at full volume. Then he put his tongue in further and just kept loosening that hole up. He knew this'd be the best way to do it. 

Jim said, "Blair, I'm really close babe. And I'd like to do it with you inside of me. Please?"

Blair grudgingly pulled his tongue out and started kissing the pucker as it seemed to be having spasms to try to get Blair's tongue back in. This made Blair smile. Blair thought, now this is fun. He got out the lube and put some on his fingers and started loosening up Jim, one finger at a time. Jim kept begging, "Please Blair, fuck me now." But Blair knew he had to take it slow and easy. Nothing was going to make him rush and hurt Jim. He would rather die first. When Jim seemed to be ready, Blair said, "Jim you want me to fuck you?"

Jim was squirming now and said, "Now, Blair, now. I want you to make me scream your name." Blair laughed and answered, "Oh don't worry about that, Jim, you'll be screaming for me all right."

With that said, Blair started to push into Jim. Jim held his breath for a moment, but Blair was very patient. Then Jim started moving towards Blair and Blair moved in a little more every time that Jim let him know that he was doing fine. When he was all the way in, he had a hard time from not coming on the spot. 

"Jim, this feels so fucking good," Blair said, "I'm not going to be able to last long, big man, so I'm going to try to hit your prostate and make you feel really good." 

Jim was now only moaning. No longer capable of speaking english or any other language. Knowing what a take-charge kind of guy Jim was, Blair was thinking that this was a really nice way to see his lover for a change. Blair took hold of Jim's cock and started pumping in time with his thrusts. Each time he would thrust into Jim, he was hitting Jims prostate and Jim started screaming out, "Chief, I'm coming, God, I'm coming. Chief, I love you so much."

That was all it took for Blair, having Jim's muscles grab onto his cock and squeeze and hearing Jim say he loved him was his undoing. He said, "I love you, Jim. I really love you."

They both got their breathing under control and Blair pulled out of Jim, slowly, with such tenderness that it brought tears to Jim's eyes. _How I love that man_ , Jim thought.

Blair wiped Jim down with wipes and himself afterwards and they cuddled up together and went to sleep. Jim and Blair both were thinking how fantastic it was to fall asleep in someone's arms that love you.

*

In the morning when Jim awoke, he smiled at the aching sensation in his ass. God, but that was enjoyable. And then realized he was alone in bed. But he knew exactly where Blair was. Fixing breakfast and coffee. _He is an angel,_ Jim thought.

He got up, not bothering with any clothes and made his way down to the kitchen and for his shower. Blair was all showered, ready for the day. Jim could tell he was chomping at the bit to get to the office and find out who used the damn lotion. When Blair saw Jim come down the stairs he smiled up at him and whispered, "Good morning lover. I had a great time last night."

Jim had to get into the shower, because if he stayed any longer with Blair, they'd be back into bed again. He rushed through his shower, so he could have a nice quiet breakfast with the man he loved.

As soon as they were leaving for work, Blair said, "Damn, I almost forgot the black light, Jim. That would be no fun at all."

They both laughed and joked most of the way to work. They knew that this was going to be one of the most hilarious days they'd ever have again.

They got to their desks and sat down and waited for everyone to get there and just wait for the fireworks. Of course this would be the one-day they were early.

Simon came into the bullpen and said to Jim and Blair, "Well, I'm glad to see that you're here on time. Everyone else tried to call in with some excuse but the meeting is today and I told them to get their asses in here.

Blair, taking his portable black light, walked by Simon and flashed it on him. Nothing happened. No glowing, nothing. So, Simon didn't take the bait. Simon looked at him oddly and said, "Sandburg, what the hell are you doing?"

Blair answered as he walked back to his desk, "Nothing sir. Just saying good morning to you."

Simon knowing something was up said, "Okay, you two, what's going on?"

Jim answered, "Nothing Sir, really. We're just trying to get some of our work caught up before court today."

In walked Taggert and no color and when Blair walked by with the black light, nothing happened then either. Blair was getting a little put out by all this.

But then Brown walked in and they could see a change in Brown's hand color. Yes, it was definitely darker than his other hand. Jim was trying not to laugh. But they had to be good and see if there was anyone else.

Rafe came walking off the elevator with his head down. When everyone said good morning, he didn't even answer. Simon walked up to him and said, "Rafe what the hell is wrong with you?"

Rafe looked up at Simon and they all just stared. Both Rafe's hands were brown, and his neck was pretty brown. But was really odd was that there were like five spots on his face that were brown and in really weird places. Someone had a very good time, indeed. Well, now this time, Simon did start to laugh and asked again, "Rafe, what the hell is wrong with you? And why are you brown like that?"

Before Rafe could answer Connor came walking in and hers was the funniest of all. The sides of her face were brown, her hands and around her mouth. Now Simon, Joel, Blair and Simon just totally lost it. She just glared at them and sat down at her desk and put her head down on her arms.

In walked Ronda with the messages for Simon and she wasn't brown that they could see. But when she was walking away, they all noticed the brown all over the inside of her legs. Again, everyone was cracking up. And if looks could kill, they would all need Dan Wolfe right now.

Simon walked over to Jim and said, "All right Mr. Funny Youngman, what the hell is going on? Now I know this has something to do with that lotion you brought in, or you wouldn't be laughing so hard. So you want to tell me why my detectives all look so ridiculous?"

Jim stood up and said, "Well, paybacks are hell, aren't they? We got sick and tired of you all teasing us, and decided to give you all a taste of your medicine. It seems that it worked like a charm." And he laughed all the way back to his desk.

Blair walked up to Jim and said, "Okay, Jim, so now we don't know if anyone did anything with anyone here. I figured that would make it all the funnier. Was Rafe with Conner? Or With Ronda?"

"Neither," Jim said with amusement in his eyes, "Conner was with someone, but not Rafe and not Brown. Brown and Rafe were not together in any way; in fact I would say they might have been alone. And as far as Conner, at least she is safe, no men from Major Crimes had anything to do with her being brown."

Getting a glowing look on his face, Blair said, "Connor and Ronda? You have got to be joking? I never would have guessed that."

Jim said, "Chief, I don't want you saying anything, okay? I think that is pretty personal. I mean, it's like us and I don't want people talking about Connor the same way that they talk about us. Let’s keep this between us."

Blair said, "Sure, I can dig that. To each his own anyhow. Do you suppose they might want to have anyone watch some night?" Laughing as he walked off, Jim caught up with him and said, "No watching, no looking, no anything anymore, right?"

Blair laughed again and said, "You're so easy hot stuff. You are my only man today, tomorrow and forever."

Jim leaned over and said, "I'll tell you how much that remark meant to me when we get home, Chief. I love you."

They both went back into the bullpen and started laughing along with Simon and watched as all of the others got pissed off.

Oh yes, Revenge is very sweet.

End: Do You Like Them Big and Dumb Series


End file.
